To Tan or Not to Tan?

First of all, whoo! Spring break is almost here! Now that I have that covered, it’s time to discuss spring break preparation. In recent years it has become quite prevalent that in the weeks preceding spring break, it is a requirement to hang out in brightly-lit coffins; or uh, tanning beds.

This year I decided to take part in this tradition mainly because I convinced myself that if I did not do it, I would suffer severe sunburn as I tear down houses in New Orleans. (Hey if I’m doing something good, I might as well look good doing it!) So after dropping fifteen bucks at Island Tan, my journey of skin darkening began.

I have some issues with the whole tanning thing. First of all, how long should I go? If I go for too short of a time, it makes no difference, but if I go too long, I end up looking like a lobster. Me, being smart because I’m in honors, opted for the go too long and get the most for my money route. That was a big mistake.

I go for a good seven minutes, and those seven minutes ended up ruining my life for the next two days. I seriously could not even sleep. I got out of bed like three times to just stand in a cold shower, which felt good but also horrendous because having something striking your skin in that state is not such a great thing. Despite my efforts, I suffered two sleepless nights. I thought tanning was supposed to be relaxing!

While the aftermath of tanning wasn’t relaxing, either is the actual action of tanning. I already feel awkward enough being naked in a public place, but then I have to think about what naked person was in here before me. Yeah, I know they “spray down” the bed, but come on, how clean does it really get?

So after being grossed out thinking about who was in there before me, I have flashbacks to terrible horror films where girls get locked into tanning beds and killed. You have your classic I Still Know What You Did Last Summer scene where the killer chains her in there and turns up the heat, then you have the more recent Final Destination Three where for whatever reason the two girls get trapped in the beds and basically explode. Gross.

After all of this stressing out and uncomfortable sun burns I think I’ve decided that next spring break I’ll skip the tanning and spend the fifteen dollars on beer because hey, I’ll be 21 by then.